Sunday, May 16, 2010

miss screwd-up almost

My 8th semester's almost wind up..three more weeks of hard work and cramming n im done..tats all in my mind,little did i know that its important to catch the finishing line with a feeling of pride that u staged ur best while running.

I knew i screwed up this semester,infact worst than all the previous sems but i didnt worry as long as i manage to snuck in my assignments long after everbody submitted presentations were late,my assignments were late n my skill development is no less(when i say late it means the deadlines+extras+extras+one more day :) the other day i went to the college library to actually sit down wit a book for the first time in a whole 4 months n i didnt like what it feels like-the feeling when i see my peer group sittin around a table discussing acts,noting down key points and cracking computations...then i realise how much ive been lagging behind and i sat there for a whole 3 hours thinking n cursing wat an obtuse-futile-she-male 'ive made myself of,the kind of moment u just wanna hit urself n say "u crack head,wat have u done?!",yes i had that moment ryte ther n id say im one lucky bitch not to have a supreme court journal or an SN.MISRA's labour law book lying around my table otherwise i swear i wud have hit me big head hard and said "u ask for it".

Moving i have barely ten days left n im not done mourning the idiot-moron i was but what the heck!,the perfect tick when the old fable "better late than never" kicks is a yes im starting now n im not proud of who n what ive become lately but lessons learned i guess.

And if u dnt see any new post after this then i hope u know its a good thing...ill be back when i have my summer breaks...ciao =)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


"deceiving people...that is what the world calls a romance"

"My characters are more like men than these real men are, see. They're rough and rude, they got hands and they got bellies. They hate and they lust; break the skin of civilization and you find the ape, roaring and red-handed."

“If we didn't live venturously, plucking the wild goat by the beard, and trembling over precipices, we should never be depressed, I've no doubt; but already should be faded, fatalistic and aged"

“History shows us that the people who end up changing the world – the great political, social, scientific, technological, artistic, even sports revolutionaries – are always nuts, until they are right, and then they are geniuses.”

"Women are made to be loved, not understood.

"(Tool+Training+Experience) x Mindset = Goal/Success —- BUT if your mindset is zero then equation is (100 + 100 +100) x 0 = Failure."

“Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you can come to your senses.”

“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up."

"Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?"
~Dennis and Wendy Mannering

"I can live for two months on a good compliment."

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on." - DAVID HARKINS

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart"

“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.”

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes"

"Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in."

The real revolution is, women against men
-DORRIS LESSING(the golden notebook)

Saturday, May 8, 2010


i was his little girl
the pampered princess
he wants to give me everything he cud possibly afford
he love my frens cos he knows how much they mean to me
he stays up late with me during my exams
he buys me clothes on his own even though hes not sure if its in or out
we go for long drives together
he let me do anything i want
he believes in me

it was time i leave
we said our goodbyes
little did we know the "goodbye" was for real n for a lifetime

one phone call
the call that conveys a message to a daughter that her father is no more in this world
the call tat shatters my whole world
it felt like a i want t to be a dream
it felt like its the end of everything
it hurts so much
it hurts more knowing that i have to be strong for my two little brothers who so looked up to me

there he lay
so peacefully sleeping
i called him
i somehow felt if i call him maybe he'll wake up to see his little angel coming home
but he just lay there with his lips sealed n eyes shut
i saw my two little brothers sitting there so disappointed
their eyes said they needed answers
answers to know y their daddy had to be taken away so early
they dnt exactly understand wats going on but u cud tell they're really hurting

there are so many things i didnt tell him yet
he left before hearing me out
he left before i cud tell him how good he looked in his maroon shirt
he left before i cud tell him hes the only one who ever make me laugh so hard
he left before i cud tell him hes the best father i cud ask for
he left before i cud thank him for letting me do anything i want
he just left...

its been 3 years,4 months and 4 days
i thought i had moved on
but i realise i hadnt
and maybe i never will
how cud i let go of a memory so beautiful n true
when its all i have left to remind me how having a father feels like
he used to visit me in my dreams
we wud talk n laugh
but hes not around much anymore
i prayed everynyte that he wud come n visit me
cos its the only way i cud have a father again

there are times i locked myself in a room n cried
there are times i just wanna scream out loud and call for him
there are times i hide my tears seein my mom struggling so hard
shes trying to be strong but shes breaking inside
she misses someone to tell her how beautiful she is
she needed someone to talk to when shes losing it
my heart breaks to see my brothers so lost without him
to see them trying to be strong for my mom
to see my little bro andrew still sleeping with her everynyte since dad died
he wudnt let her sleep alone even if she tells him to sleep in his room
i know that they needed him more than i do

one more month to go n its summer break
as usual ill be picking out stuff for each of them
i cant help but notice the stuffs which id love to get for him
the lighters he fancied so much
the cotton jeans hes so fond of
the shoes he wud wear wit every jeans n formals
i know the exact stuff to get for him
if only he were still here
i know he would have loved t..

now i know moving on or letting go isnt the answer
im not even sure wat the answer is
maybe holding on to memories is how id like da answers to be
and they said time heals
but it doesnt

all i know now is that its okay to miss him n shed a tear every once in a while
its okay to let t out once in a while
we miss u dad
we're fighting it
i know we're gonna be alright.

love you so much...kisses XX

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


of all the blessings ive owed a lifetime to thank,my priority list starts with family n then so-called angels...petrified by the fact that 3 of them are leaving,i dnt wanna miss a chance to say thank u for being u,for everything and roomies,my family,my sisters,my biatches,my angels,name them all...they fit in for each word..thats how incredible they are and u shud knw incredible aint doin them justice but cudnt find any word to suit them even though im wordhippo-ing ryte now and trust me im far from exagerrating.

..the crazy girls night out we get sloshed n how they alwas get away so quickly and the 101 times we sweared we'd never drink again after a bad hangover :),the lazy afternoons we slept on top another n how they pass us by so slowly,the horrible meals we cooked everyday yet alwas manage to eat like its a chef's special,the way we got each others back,the fact that we can never pull-off replacing ciggies with veggies(counting u out,mystica),all the break-ups and heartaches we've stood by each other,the way it doesnt feel any awkward at all wen nobody's talking,the way we make each other laugh so uncontrollably,the way we screech n bark at each other,all the gossips we shared ,the spur-of-the-moment parties we crashed n sumhow randomly manage to get wasted with empty clutches..ok not exactly empty..maybe a cell and a totaly drained out debit card,the movies we cried over,zero crowd or a 300 in da club,we're pretty content as long as thers bubble beats,beer n vodka to steal the night,nothing beats the way we cnt wait for someone to get home wenever shes out n,for us "sharing" is the theme,oh how i love t wen we read engi's diary..just so u know engi is happy wen shes single,shes more happy wen she isnt :)...y do time flies so quickly wen we least want t to...y do all the good things come to an end...

im gonna miss filming rida's drunken seminar rehearsals,im gonna miss scaring the shit out of mafeli and yes i'll miss glari n her much organised tables,rags and books.wen i met them 4 years back i knew they were definitely for "KEEPS" and i told myself theres no way in hell im ever letting them slip away and yes i didnt.why do 4 yrs ago felt like it was just yesterday?.. theyr leavin now for good n im kinda starting to feel lost and crippled without not ready for goodbye yet...and maybe theyll never get their goodbyes...

changing the tone,im instead raising a toast to all the hearts we break,to all the beer bottles lyin in da corner of the house,to TNT,OPIUM,BOPY'S,THE ROOST,INFINITE for stamping us with memories that'll last a lifetime n to US for being so "perfect" for each other...u are my "GEMS".

kisses XX

Monday, April 19, 2010


1)"poker face"would be the national anthem...or cud alwas b replaced by any song namely "paparazzi","speechless" or more.(the best part in singin the anthem wud be the "po-po-po-poker face" part...and of course wud be complimented with vintage glam-rocks,metal drums,bubble beats and champagne with strawberries :).

2)"great dane" wud be the national animal(t looks royally huge so i think t suits perfectly)

3)we,the people for sure are not "citizens"...we will be "the little monsters".

4)the house of parliament shall be called "THE HAUS OF GAGA".

5)beyonce and sir elton john of course,shall be the right hand ppl of "president gaga".

6)FORMALS wud be-panty hose,leather leggings n tights,blingee lingeries n heavy metal-studded outfits and 8 inch high platforms..and not to forget plastic bubbles.

7)the national flag is mostly gold and silver bedazzled with sugar,spice n everything gaga-ish.

8)she wud be performing at concerts in iraq instead of doin the "bush" strategy..

9)she wont only literally say the word "peace" but let the fingers do them job...peace out!!.. and i swear nobody wants to hit her wit a shoe unlike some former president.

10)osama-bin-laden wud go all gaga diein to see her so hel wave the white flag or come out from kudebulisatainnutkstan or werever hes caving there we have world peace!!


the other day i was facebookin n i came across a note that says write down any 25 random things that comes into ur mind within 15 mins or less n i find t very intersting(pliz ignore the fact that im absolutely jobless),so i decided to gv t a shot n create my own list of random they are:

1)one fine night,i got into a drunken brawl(not exactly a brawl but wasnt a kitty-kat fight either ) with a palestinian guy for tryin to physically abuse me n i called him "a fuckin terrorist".

2)52 days and i can get my ass outta here...the countdown begins!!

3)currently addicted to "LIFE UNEXPECTED".(so typical me being addicted to a certain thing every week).

4)in a crazzy dream a fortnight back,i was married to my uncle.

5)so in love with my new camera..<3...shutterbug me or almost one :)

6)been havin shortage of attendance ever since i started college except my 1st semester...and u know who/wat is responsible for t??----->mornings!!

7)chris brown--so cold :)

8)if i were god for a day,i wud turn a certain "kimi" into a guinea pig n make t lick my ass.

9)i think india flag should be pink n black or grey LOL

10)i am so goin to goa again....and again!.

11)people thinks im weird....i think so too!!

12)im so gonna travel to europe n speak french one fine day!!

13)sum time a while ago,the twilight frenzy got me bad...i have a thing for vampires...i even felt inhuman for a while hehe...but hey everybody got t...t was like an epidemic.

14)i hate mafia pliz stop sendin me gifts n requests already?...just so u know i wudnt play even if u pay me(of course that depends on how big the cash is).

15)justin bieber??hell no!!!!

16)my roomie is goin out for dinner n shes wearing jeans+half shouldered greyish blue top...depends on me whether she let her hair down or ribbon t :):) case ur curious,name's rida...and shes gonna kill me for posting this.

17)i never watch football(and yes i know nothing about da game)...yet wen sumbody talks about football i like to act like a diehard man-united devils yay!!lolol

18)im so bored ryte now.

19)for all the bloody indians who campaigned for"i will not send my kids,family etc to australia-the racist country" n watever issue related to australia n racism...take this..india is the most racist ocountry in da world (according to me n my several encounters)...atleast 2wce in a month wen i go out anywer my fellow indians make me feel like i have a tag that says "IM A CHINK"...n if that aint racism ill paint my teeth blue for the next 3 yrs.

20)i recently got a haircut by ME n i look like a retard(with bangs of course).

21)global warming or global heating?watever...not a blessing at all!!!

22)ellen or oprah???ummmm love em both...whos hotter?george bush or obama?...umm bill clinton!!the monica scandal??HAWT!!

23)i dnt know y ppl think the world is goin to end after watchin 2012...i watched harry potter n i dnt apply for hogwarts duhhh!!

24)i seriously need to grow...otherwise its gonna be such a waste for all the vitamins i was fed like t or not.

25)i have a feeling im gonna be excellent in driving...:)

25 already?bahhh!! ok this doesnt count as the 26th..just sharing:)...i think our prime minister and president are way too old....running a country with dentures???so not kewl...END OF STORY!!!